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Chiisu321
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Name: Alice, Allyce
Gender: Female
Interests: ~TO be creative is much more impressive than to be knowledgable. But to be knowledgable is much more satisfying than to be unknowingly ignorant.~
My interests are ecclectic. =P
Expertise: BeIn' mE and just about anythin music related.
Makin people as happy as they can be.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
7/20/2004
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| I realized that I've been doing everything all wrong. Life, Love, everything.
I want to improve. It seems like I always want to improve, but never for the right reasons. Who knows if even now, what I'm doing is right.
I never care enough, about anything. Life to me has always been perpetual, everyone headed toward the same end. In this way, I always wonder, "what does it matter what I do, whether or not I help or make a difference?"
I'm wrong. I don't know how to explain it, but I'm pretty sure I'm wrong.
I think really, you're more than I could ever deserve in life. It's really no wonder you're not mine. I haven't done anything right thus far to get or deserve you at all. Let me catch up to you. In this lifetime, I probably never could. But, with you as my motivation, I really want to try. I've never wanted to try in my life. I've never had to. But, I want to be more like you. Hopefully, it's not to late to learn how.
I've got some promises to keep.
I want to go to church more often. I don't love it or even miss it, but I promised.
I want to try harder in school. I just know that that's the only way I can win in the end.
Then, maybe I could understand you a little bit better. I can understand how you never have time and I can appreciate you for it.
I want to be more interactive. I've always kind of distanced myself from people, thinking I don't need them.
I should care more about people and try harder to have relationships with them.
I want to keep and share my talents. I have them. But, until now, I've let them die or sit on the sidelines. No more.
I will try.
I made a long list of changes I want to make. I won't put it here, but know that it exists. I will follow it as best I can.
I pray that we're not over yet. I don't know where you are or why you've gone, but I like to think you're not the same as all the rest. I'm tired of being played for a fool. Be sincere with me and you won't regret it. I know you said you're busy, but don't forget about me. okay?
This time though, I am confident. I still have faith and God gives me hope. I feel like, I know. haha I can be right sometimes. It's scary.
I have lived without you for my whole life. I can do it again, I'm sure. But, right now, I don't want to.
Wherever you are, don't stay gone too long. And don't worry, I still like you. :P But, I swear one of these other guys might catch me sooner or later.
Alice & Myungjin FIGHTING!!!!!
Uchicago2013
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| Why is everyone pulling for Paul instead of Myungjin? What do they know about either of them? No more than I know. =/
If I have more chemistry and sparks with one over the other, wouldn't it make more sense for me to go with that guy?
I'm not a player. I can only spend time with both of them for so long. Already I'm teetering back and forth and it's going to get the point where I can't decide.
I just want to be treated the way I know I should be. Like a lady, but still like a woman.
The truth is, I like Myungjin better. I liked him first.
The truth is, I liked Paul more. I wanted him longer.
The truth is, who knows if and how much either of them want me
And what about Jimmy?
Fate is a bitch.
Who will I end up with?
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| I hope I can help it. haha
So, Paul was a fail. Who knows if he's gay, I got tired of waiting to find out. I haven't seen him around and I haven't tried to.
And out of the blue, there was you. Myungjin.
I think I've never been given so much attention as you give. I've never been the type to need it, but you give without me having to ask, or even try. I know you don't know me well, but this school has made me an empty shell anyway.
Here, I have to rebuild myself, so other than a few facts, there isn't much to know anyway I guess.
I just really hope you are different. Like thinking about it today, I've literally been cheated on 4 times in a row. Who has such awful luck. But, I've always been after guys. This time, you came after me. Does that mean you want me more than they did? Still, I can't let myself get tricked again. I can't let myself get hurt again.
I mean I already know you WANT me. But, sorry. I can't give myself over that fast. I'm not prude, but I'm not easy.....or at least I hope I'm not. I can't be. If I don't make you sweat for it, you'll never value me or consider me anything more than something to pleasure you.
so I'll go to your room tomorrow, sure, but just to mess with you. Think what you want, but you won't have me tomorrow. I'll make it perfectly clear that you better treat me properly. If you wanted an easy girl, there are plenty at this school who have never had a boyfriend or whores who would give themselves in a heartbeat. I'm not one of either. If you don't want labels or commitment, that's fine. But, until I know there is no one else to take my place right off the bat, we won't be doing anything much. and if that girl keeps calling you her "oppa" you may not get anything at all. Not even a little.
Going to his room.
That would imply that he expects something.
Is that fair to say?
Is it naive to think maybe he just wants to show me around and talk to me?
Ha! I think I would expect a little more than that.
He can't expect too much though, right? I mean, I already made myself clear.
It's fucking 3am. Nothing I even type makes sense XD
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| Today, for the 1st time, I actually got a phone number from a guy that I would actually want a phone number from.
Did that make sense?
Like, if a guy gives his number, and you don't even want it......well whatever, that's good for you.
But, when a guy who is actually good looking AND not an asshole gives you his number and you didn't even ask for it in the first place, well then, you my dear are quite the talent.
So, not that I'm the type to even like multiple people, let alone make attempts at all of them at the same time, but let's talk about Ethan.
Ethan = Korean; like, FROM seoul, international student korean.
He's way tall, pretty cute, and dresses sensible.
His clothes don't wow my eyes like Paul, but still, impressive.
It's funny because I first saw him on facebook (a topic from my school. idk what it was). I thought to myself "this kid is cute, but I'm not going to add him because 1. that's weird and 2. what are the odds that I would meet him?
Then, fate being the bitch that it is, he approached my friend at a party. In all fairness, I was dancing with some other guy and hadnt even noticed him there myself.
She has a boyfriend though and shut him down big time. For about a month we thought of him as "the creeper," but I actually felt bad for him. I ended up adding him on facebook, but i never expected him to talk to me. He actually talks a lot. :o He actually noticed my asian-ness on-fucking-line. I was like, haha you get that just from me typing?!
Anyway, to make a long story short, I guess he's getting tired of our facebook based talking because he told me we should have a bite sometime and followed with giving me his number.
I feel quite accomplished, even if it was only with friendly intentions. I really think it's the first time a guy has given me his number in such a way.
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| So, here I am. -10lbs later (if not more), MUCH better dressed and much longer hair (sorta).
Supposedly beautiful, supposedly smart, supposedly charming.
On the verge of..........who the hell even knows.
It's almost my birthday. 4mths away (actually a little less?)
I should be working on my MODA design application. I have ideas in my head, but who knows if I'm good enough. It's not that I care, I just hate rejection.
Paul Huang.
I'm so intrigued by you. Whenever the world seems to fail me, you always show up out of nowhere and in a matter of minutes make my day.
Every girl knows when there is a trend of guys they keep choosing.
I've obviously been falling for the wrong guys. Even now, the other guys on my "list" are horrible choices as far as relationships go. I realized, you're different than any guy I've ever liked before. I don't mean in that whole "HE'S DIFFERENT" bullshit type way either. I almost don't like you for it.....almost. You're easy to talk to even though when we're not talking I freak out about what we could talk about next. Somehow, we always end up talking about the most unexpected thing. "Klimt?!" how the fuck does that become a topic after starting off talking about your hella amazing tattoo. TATTOO; i love that you have one and are so in love with the concept of it. That, my friend, is respectable.
You're so sweet. I'm used to assholes obviously trying to get at me or play themselves up. You're never doing either. You're just talking to me. Who knows if you have intentions, I don't know.
Learning Jap so you can speak to your grandparents and connect with them. Holy hell, THAT'S respectable.
Being a mix of japanese, chinese AND korean. That's just hot and totally lucky for me to not have to choose. You're hard to follow. You talk in circles and get so off topic and then somehow go back to the original topic and I have NO fucking clue by then what the original topic is. You're just like me!
You talk so fast and laugh in between your gestures seem sporadic. It's so damn cute, but very distracting. I actually have to TRY to remember what we could have been talking about. I think that is, in part, because you're so much more worldly then I am. TEACH ME! You're so smart. Influence me and make me more like you >-< I'm sure I can teach you something.....or not.
You've always been top of the list. From fucking day one.
I ran into Paul at the coffee shop today. I had a feeling that if I went to a coffee shop, i would see him there. But, it was still an unexpected event. Almost out of a movie. What are the odds, you know?
Fall Formal yesterday was kind of a fail. Today is better, but still basically suckish.
at least I looked supa hot and got to eat gourmet food :D This school is so fucking rich and wasteful. If we spent less money on food, i could have a lower tuition!
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